Last week you had lipstick on your collar.
From the monkey.
And now perfume...
...from squirt guns from rich New York kids.
What are the odds...
...of something like that happening to one person?
I don't know. Ask a mathematician.
Ask your old boyfriend, the Milky way man.
That's you, Sam.
What are you getting at?
You're driving me crazy.
Anton, I want you to promise me something.
Just promise that if you were ever doing anything...
...that you would tell me.
Why are you even thinking of such a thing?
Maybe we could work it out.
I just couldn't take it if you were lying to me.
Sweetie, Why would I have sex with a hamburger...
...When I can make love to a steak?
Oh, come on.
Forget about it.
She's this close, Sam.
This close.
Bring some cups and saucers.
And bring some other bottles.
What did I miss?
I think we're getting to them.
I definitely think that we're getting to them.
Did you get the sweet and sour?
Look, my darling...
...I wanted to show you how well my hands fit on my knees...
...and to give you a little kiss.
Get away from me, please. You are rude.
But I love you, my little lamb. I must have you.
My love is throbbing at quite a fevered cadence.
You cannot have me.
My love is reserved for another.
You cannot mean...
Yes, the Milky way man!
No! Anyone but him.
This is a man who can predict puffer cluster emissions.
To him I am nothing.
A little, teeny... l'm a worm.
I love his emissions.
Not every man...
...can be a Milky way man.
What will you do now?
Forlorn, I will roam the earth by myself, thinking of you...
...and pausing occasionally to have the sex with the skullses.
That's good.
Now be quiet about that...
...or I will make you eat another one of those pecans!
This is very good.
Look how I'm licking my fingers. You like that?
I like everything. I am French.
Ordering!
I've been dying for one of these all night.
Can I ask you a question, Anton?
Sure you can.
How do you like America?
Why do you ask?
You're French.
Do you ever miss it?
Do you ever get lonely for your own country?
I was never so much French since I've been here.
You know Superman?
That's me, I'm Superman.
And France was like Krypton.
On Krypton everybody was Superman.
You make a nice sauce.
Everybody make a nice sauce.
You say hello to a nice woman With your French accent...
...and everybody says, "Hello!"
But here on Earth, the moment I arrived...
...I knew this was the place I had special powers.
I talk about my little town...
...and the bankers open their checkbooks and say...
..."How great, charming, and exotic you are, Anton."
I could read the phone book to a woman...
...and they become hypnotized, Wet as morning daisies.
Here I have these powers.
Back home, I was nothing.
But here, I'm Superman.
Hip-hip, America! Hip-hip, land of freedom!
Now you, you're not French.
But it's OK, you know?
You still have opportunity in this country.
Yesterday, he had no job, no future.
But today, a step-up.
A little step, but a step.
Soon you can afford a place to live and get a girlfriend.
I have a girlfriend.
No, really. Pretty girl?
She's the most wonderful woman in the world.
She must love you a good deal.
You think women only want men for their money?
No, not just money.
Power also, and success.
Don't fool yourself, dishwasher.
They want a man Who takes what he wants.
I don't think that's true.
Listen.
My girlfriend was seeing a man When I met her.
I took her back to my place, and I ask her about him...
...very innocently, of course.
Of course.
She had many wonderful things to say about him.
How nice and devoted, how gentle he was.
So I started to probe in very subtle ways...
...about how strong, powerful, and successful he was.
I was very good.
In no time, We were lying together on my couch.
I think she wanted me to force her away from him.
You could see it in her eyes.
She wanted the battle.
She was crying, too, but she was kissing me.
Later, of course, she came like a rocket.
Don't worry about the glass.
I won't charge you this time.
Anton, he's here. Matheson.
Matheson? Are you sure?
Table nine.
Oh, my God. It's him.
Go.
I'll take care of him.
Did you bring them?
What I just did was the most revolting thing I've ever done.
Harold Matheson, the food critic for the Times.
Big step. Are you sure you're ready for this?
Everyone!
I Want everyone to do a good job tonight.
I want everything perfect.
Didier, I can see this is not good!
And you, dishwasher, you don't drop a dish tonight.
I want everything perfect for the bastard.
Heaven for the pig.
Gimme, gimme.
I've created a monster.
I asked your steward for a Chenin Blanc...
...and he brought me this.
You have any idea how that happened?
I took the liberty, Mr. Matheson.
It's from my private reserve.
You know, if I had a suspicious mind...
...l'd think you're trying to get on my good side.
I thought you would enjoy the year.
I'd say that your little ruse is working very well...
...especially if you could locate another bottle.
Well, certainly. Excuse me.
We might find a bottle or two.
Enjoy your meal, Mr. Matheson.
I've just come back from France.
Whereabouts are you from?
It's just Beaucaire.
It's just a small province in the south of France.
Oh, Beaucaire.
I know that. Isn't that near NĪmes?
Is that near NĪmes?
Excuse me?
Is that near NĪmes?
Yes, it's near there.
Oh, my God!
Did you see that?
I remember.
It's a little to the south and over the hill.
Yes, it is on the other side of the hill.
It's a little south.
The look on Matheson's face.
What are you smiling about?
I'm sorry.
Its legs were fighting in his mouth like this.
Everything I had is in that restaurant.
It's not that bad. I have my job.
Your teacher's salary Won't pay for the toilet paper!
That's because they don't pay teachers what they're worth.
In some parts of the world...
Linda, don't go there.
Do you mind if we don't have this discussion again right now?
Thank you, Anton.
- Don't be angry. - I'm not angry.
She's angry.
What if they close me down permanently?
What would you do?
What do you mean?
I mean, if I couldn't afford this nice place anymore?
You can always find work.
You can go back to modeling...
He was a model?
What if I couldn't find work?
Then what?
What would you do if I were poor?
I would sit out on the curb With you all day...
...and sell pencils.
Then when it got dark, we would crawl...
...into our cozy refrigerator box and make love all night...
...and then sell pencils again at sun-up.
Where are you going?
Where's he going?
What's he doing?
Talk to me.
He's getting something off of a shelf.
What is it?
It's a ring. Oh, no!
What does it look like?
It's a circle of diamonds with a...
A big, fat opal in the middle?
I'm familiar with it.
Ton visage, ton corps...
...tu es? Moi, je suis? To r]Je t'aime, mon amour.
What is that?
- The bastard. - What?
Would you like to be my wife?
Here.
Nana!
So you found me.
I get 50 pounds of flowers delivered to my door...
...and I call the florist...
...and he gives me your name and this charming address...
...and the earrings and the perfume...
...and the television set, for Christ's sake.
What's got into your head, girl?
Too much? You didn't like them?
It's one thing not to call your mother for ages...
...but to hide from me for two months.
You better be found lying dead in the gutter...
...if you know what's good for you.
What is that? Your tits look like hard little rocks.
Cut it out.
As for you...
...taking my little girl away from me.
Come here now!
I'm Margaret's Nana.
It's such a pleasure to finally meet you, Anton.
I'm very happy to finally be meeting you, too.
If we hurry, We can get you some vanilla custard...
...at Di Roberti's before it closes.
The spoon goes in right side up, dear.
We weren't brought up in a barn.
Nana, you got something in your teeth right here.
Here, hand them to me.
Oh, you little bitch!
Oh, dear, it's late.
I think I better be getting home.
You have to go already?
I've got a yoga class in the morning.
But first, I want to take your picture.
Move in closer.
Put your arm around her, Anton.
Put your arm around her.
Maggie, don't make a face.
I'm not.
She always makes a face When you take her picture.
I do not.
For Pete's sake, just act natural.
Why don't you give her a kiss, Anton?
It's my mistake.
Don't be shy. Come on.
You can do better than that, Anton.
Yeah, Anton, you can do better than that.
Did you see a flash?
God, I hate these things.
Come on, kiss.
All right, Maggie, dear, Will you take care of the check?
Just spend the night with us.
In that Bohemian hell hole?
How long were you in our hell hole before we got there?
Not very long. I just straightened up a little.
Listened to the radio.
What radio?
Oh, the radio.
What was on the radio?
Some little radio play.
More like a soap opera.
I'm ashamed to admit I listened to that silly thing.
- What was it about? - Who cares?
I want to hear more about the both of you.
I'm interested, too.
Let's see, it was two characters.
A Frenchman and a girl.
In the beginning, he's on his way home...
...and she's upset about something.
It turns out she thinks he's having an affair.
And he says, "I didn't, I didn't!"
And she says, "Well, how do you explain this?"...
...and shows him some undergarments she found in the couch...
...and some other things he can't explain, and he denies it.
Then she says something about monkeys.
I really couldn't follow that.
And then there was silence for a bit...
...and then he confesses.
He what?
He confesses.
He was seeing another woman...
...an investor or something. It was a little confusing.
Come on, let's go!
Then what happened?
He starts crying and begging her to forgive him...
...and she says a certain four-letter word...
...more than a couple of times and storms out.
I didn't know you were so interested in this kind of thing.
We listen to that show all the time.
Watch your fingers.
I've got it.
Good.
Look at him.
All right.
I can't. I have to go.
I'm waiting for a call. Shit.
Qui est I? Who is it?
Anton? I'm Mr. Green.
Linda's father.
How are you? Come on.
Can I offer you something, a cup...
"Anton, you hurt me very badly.
"All I asked for was honesty, and you betrayed me.
"I had hoped..."
Ah, hell...
I can't believe it. We did it!
Why?
We did it, Sam!
All this time, and we weren't even here for it.
What are you going to do now?
She left suddenly, right?
So she probably went someplace familiar.
To the hotel where she was staying before.
You're probably right.
What are you waiting for, Sam?
Go get her.
Now?
Yeah, now. What's the matter with now?
I can't. What would it look like?
Who cares? She's not thinking straight.
She'll buy anything.
What's the big hurry to get me out of here?
Look, if you don't want her after all this...
Of course I do.
I don't care about that.
It's your business.
I still got some work to do...
...and, no offense, but I really miss my privacy.
I thought we could just take a minute to say good-bye.
I mean, it feels kind of strange to not...
You have to wreck everything, don't you?
Are we done saying good-bye yet?
You're still here.
No, she does not want to see you.
You are not welcome.
You try and sneak in here again, and you're going to jail.
How dare you, you salopard?
I rape your skull!
Dishwasher!
I knew it was you.
Anton, hi.
Is that any kind of greeting for your old boss?
How are you?
I've never been better.
Every day is a holiday, every night the Fourth of July.
Oh, good. Well, I better be going.
I'm lying.
I feel terrible.
I broke up with my fiancée.
My restaurant is gone, and I'm running out of money.
I'm sorry.
Don't worry. Don't be sorry.
Do you have a place yet?
Not yet.
You'll stay with me, then.
Why? You don't even know me.
I know one thing.
That last night at the restaurant...
...everyone is running around, even me...
...but I notice you in your little room.
You were not looking out...
...you were not staring stupidly like the rest.
You just kept working like a rock.
You're a good man, good friend.
What's your name, by the way?
Mike, I'm a nervous wreck.
I'm not doing well on my own.
I feel vide.
It's like somebody has thrown away a piece of me.
How do you say vide...
...When there is nothing inside something?
Hollow.
Yeah. That's how I feel.
I feel so hollow.
You would be doing me a favor, really.
Just one drink.
I can't go back to that empty apartment by myself.
I will die. Please.
That's it. No more.
You must try this one next.
It's a sexy little Margaux from '83.
I was going to give it to Matheson...
...to help wash down the bugs.
Mike, I don't know how she found out.
I was going to tell this other woman good-bye, anyway.
I only slept with her to help the loan for my restaurant.
It's not like I cheated, you know...
...and it was only once with this woman.
And I hardly came at all...
...just a fraction of what I'm capable.
I thought of Linda the entire time.
If that can be twisted into something terrible...
...l'm surely the only sane man in a world gone mad.
Don't you think?
I really couldn't say, Anton.
I'm going to get her back, Mike.
She needs me.
I have to get her back.
This is really good.
I'm sorry. It is.
Time for bed.
I have modeling work Waiting for me tomorrow.
A step down, yes, but Anton Depeux isn't proud.
Look at me, Mike.
I haven't gained a pound since my modeling days.
I'm going to be just fine, and you don't worry about me.
I guess I better be moseying on, then.
Let you get your beauty rest.
Please, a little longer.
You know, the crčme caramel is almost done...
...and I have a very nice wine for my friend Pierre.
I'll be right back. Here you go. Please.
Wait there.
Maggie, come to the window.
Please, this wasn't my idea.
Maggie, don't be angry with me.
Maggie, look at him. How could I leave him?
I haven't done this in years.
How is it in English?
"Our Father, who art in heaven..."
I miss my father.
"Hallowed be Thy name..."
"Hollow... hollow..."
"Hallowed be Thy name..."
Stay out of my business.
After you, Abner... and Evelyn.
Marching good. We're being a snake.
A snake. We're looking good.
Now be an elephant.
And marching and two and...
Oh, my God!
Sam, it is you.
You're here because of me?
God, Sam, I can't believe you're actually here with me.
I can't, either.
If only you knew What I've been going through...
...the last couple of days.
Listen to me, feeling sorry for myself.
You know what I miss?
I miss noon.
Me, too.
Sometimes I look up and wave at the sky.
- The kids think I'm nuts. - I know.
Of course you do.
You've been watching me through your telescope...
...all the way from Archer's Bluff.
Sam, you're the best.
How could I ever leave you? What was I thinking?
Why did you?
I don't know. I'm nuts.
That's what my father says.
That's not a real answer.
I know.
Why did I ever leave you, Sam?
You're so generous and kind and honest.
Linda, you don't know everything about me.
Of course I do.
You're my Milky way man.
You're in love with that man?
You're breaking my heart!
Get him off! Come on!
Kiss me, Sam, please.
I got a stud.
That I didn't know.
Linda, let's go!
I got to go.
Come to my hotel tonight.
The Evangeline, eight o'clock?
Eight o'clock. I'll be there.
Let's give that man a hand.
Thank you, thank you.
Go to hell! Take anything you want.
Don't forget the TV!
And don't forget the sofa also!
Voleurs! Fascistes!
How dare you?
I'll rape your skull, you salopard!
Look out.
Anton, what's going on?
Credit card bastards!
They say I owe them thousands.
I never used the card.
Help me find my other shoe...
...because if I find my other shoe, I will be just fine.
I have a nice little modeling job waiting for me...
...With a nice little agency...
...and after I get my money, I'm going to go down...
...and wipe it in their disgusting credit card faces!
You can't keep Anton Depeux down...
...because Anton Depeux is going to be just fine!
Look at me now, you credit card bastards!
What, a pimple?
Tell me it's not a pimple.
Is it a rash or an allergy?
It's called a chronic allergy.
It's from food or mold, like shellfish, strawberries...
Strawberries?
I haven't touched any of...
...of those... for years.
Well, can I get you some ice or heat? Ointment?
Look! Look! Look!
I am... look...
There you go.
There you go, lover.
That's what I want to hear.
Hold it! Stop!
We need to talk.
So how was your date with Linda?
You looked cozy. I'm happy it worked out.
You were there?
I miss you, Sam.
We were like girlfriends.
This isn't about him anymore, is it?
Who, him?
You know, call me a hopeless romantic.
I just hate to let him out of my sight.
Where are you going?
Nothing worse can happen to me.
I have to see Linda.
This is very painful.
Maybe now isn't a good time.
You don't look your best.
What if she's seeing another man, Mike?
Another man touching her hair, her hips...
...her pink panties.
Oh, God, her pink panties.
The one with the little...
You think me pathetic, don't you?
Yes, I do.
With Linda, the worst moments of my life...
...Were the happiest I've ever known.
Even as the world was crashing around my shoulders...
...I had the most extraordinary times with her.
Yet I only knew her a brief time.
Your woman, how long do you know her?
A few weeks.
A few weeks? Love comes swift and hard.
Not a few weeks. Since we were kids.
You just said a few weeks.
I did. I said that.
I didn't say you didn't.
But I did. I said that.
How did you two meet?
Common interests.
When will I meet her?
We're actually not together anymore.
You didn't get along?
No. We had a great time together.
And what drove you apart?
Another guy.
She loves another man?
No, she hates him.
She hates his guts.
Anton, I'm sorry. I have to go.
You're not coming with me to see her?
You're on your own, sport.
What in the world are you doing? I didn't even come close to him!
I'm so sorry, Anton.
I'm so sorry.
Linda. Where is Linda?
It's all right. I'm here.
Linda Green!
Nice and slow.
I got you.
Go back.
I almost killed him, Maggie.
I was trying to protect him from somebody...
...Who I thought was you, and I almost killed him.
I broke his arms and his ribs.
For what?
I was going to ask you about that, Sam.
Not that I'm ungrateful.
Stop it, Maggie. Just stop it.
I was just curious about that.
This isn't about him anymore. This is about us.
You and me.
I love you, Maggie.
Oh, God, don't do this.
I love you.
- What are you doing? - And I know you love me.
Why are you saying that?
- I know you love me. - Don't do this, Sam.
You're crazy about me.
You should go home. Just get on a plane and go.
I won't hurt you, Maggie, I swear.
Look, I am trying to be nice, and you...
I don't love you, Sam.
I don't have one iota of feeling for you whatsoever.
Then what were you doing this morning Watching me and Linda?
He wasn't there.
Why were you there?
It's none of your business anymore what I do or why.
You were there watching me...
...because you care about me, because you have feelings for me.
You want to know why I was there, Sam? You really want to know?
Pictures.
Pictures of you and Linda.
I told you I want him finished off.
It doesn't have anything to do With you and me.
I told you, stay out of my way.
That's it?
If that's what you want, that's what it's going to take.
Fine. Let's get it the hell over with, then.
Thank God, Mike. Thank God you're back.
Scratch me, Mike, please.
Scratch my chest, my face, quickly.
Why?
Please, I'm not kidding. I can't stand it.
Why should I help you?
For the love of God, Mike!
What did you do, Anton?
You must've done something terrible to deserve all this.
What did you do?
I don't understand What you're talking about.
Confess, Anton!
Have you gone mad?
I'm begging you.
Just for a moment.
Just one scratch.
Look at you. You've lost everything you have.
Your money, your love, your self-respect.
You're broken, Anton.
You're repulsive!
Is this what you want? Is this enough?
No, huh? You want more?
All right.
Do it, Anton. Confess.
Confess what?
That you hurt people!
Who, Linda? Yes, I cheated on Linda.
I admit it, but why should you care?
You were using her, weren't you?
What are you talking about?
Just admit it!
That you were using her to stay in this country...
...just the way you used Maggie!
I never told you anything about Maggie.
Who the hell are you?
I'm the Milky way man...
...and I know everything.
You're going to hurt yourself.
You're killing yourself.
Here. Let me help you.
How's this? You enjoying the show?
Maggie was my angel.
She brought me here, in America.
I was nothing before I met her.
Just a waiter in a little caf? In Paris.
Yeah. I used her.
I used her terribly.
But I didn't think it mattered...
...because I was...
...sure that I would grow to love her.
I thought if I could just love her, then...
...it would be all right.
The shame would go away.
You can't choose who you love, Mike...
...or whoever the hell you are...
...and I love Linda.
I love Linda.
More than anything!
Who the hell do you think you are to judge?
Who the hell do you think you are?
I'm nobody, Anton.
I'm nobody.
Nobody to nobody.
Linda, we need to talk.
Hello? Yes, please.
I need to be scratched on my face, my chest, and my back.
Please. Hello?
It is an emergency call. I swear.
Hello, mister?
Say we're even.
- What? - Just say it.
Yes, we are even.
Good.
So how ya been?
Here! I'm here, Linda!
Oh, baby! Look at you!
Oh, God!
Oh, honey!
I love you.
You're everything to me.
Bad dog! Go away!
So I saw this episode of Lassie today...
...and Lassie was accused of a crime she didn't commit...
...and the ranger was coming to put her to sleep.
How's Lassie going to get out of this one?
Well, the little boy found out that the ranger was coming...
...and he told Lassie that...
...that she had to go away, far away.
For her own good.
But Lassie wouldn't leave.
See, Lassie just couldn't leave the boy.
What did he do?
He told her that he never liked her.
He said, "I hate you.
"I hate you, Lassie. You're a bad dog.
"I hope I never see you again."
That must have made Lassie sad.
Yes, it did.
Lassie trotted off...
...very sadly.
But you know what happened?
Lassie came home, Maggie.
Did the little boy make it with Lassie?
Yes, he did.
Subtitles conformed by SOFTITLER
You can hear them?
Are they talking?
- What about? - You wouldn't be interested.
I just want to hear her sweet voice.
Oh, my God. He's killing her.
He's killing her, all right.
That girl of yours is a carnival ride.
This is worse than I'd imagined.